Happy Thanksgiving

Hello Everyone,

I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving and write a little about what I’m thankful for.  First of all, I am so thankful to have a God who doesn’t leave me when I’m questioning His existence.  He stuck by me, He gave me what I needed, and He opened my heart to His purpose for me.  Praise God I am back with Him!

Second of all, I’m thankful for The Patio.  All of you are so inspiring in different ways and I am encouraged every time I talk to one of you.  Thank you so much for allowing God to use you in my life.

I’m thankful for a lot of other things, but my family will not be happy if I make them late to Thanksgiving dinner, lol; therefore, I am cutting it short.  I hope everyone stays safe and enjoys the time they have with their loved ones.

Love you all,

Meg

He gets me

So…my last post was a bit overwhelming to say the least.  I’ve gone through this week with a curiosity about people and how they fit into God’s plan.  The problem I had with God was actually with us, Christians.  It is my fleeting mind that led me to forget that we are vessels for God to enter into the lives of people we surround ourselves with…our own inadequacies make it difficult for Him to move sometimes.  I’ve talked to several people this week, Christians and non-Christians; everyone seemed to have something they really loved and something that kept them going.  The difference I saw though, was that the Christians had a certainty unlike those without a belief in anything of the higher spiritual world.  I say it like that because many people do believe in higher powers but they still seem uncertain.  I like the fact that Christians, although sometimes completely wrong in our actions, have a certainty that no other religion can truly provide.  Our evidence isn’t just a book or a sermon given by pastor, it’s in nature and true friendships.  It’s in the times when someone will meet with you over coffee and listen to you tell your entire life story.  It’s when you feel like someone actually sees you, but it’s even better when all of those can be in God.  God is so big and so vast, but He gets me.  I am still searching for answers, but that’s another thing I like about following God, He is endless; I’ll be constantly growing and learning, and hopefully He’ll let me know the answers when I meet Him.  I look forward to living this life with Him,  “To live…to live would be an awfully big adventure” (Hook). 

Questions swirl…

I’ve been questioning my Christian religion a lot lately.  A lot of what I’m about to type will probably sound like blasphemy, but it’s in my head so why not just put it down in writing?  I don’t understand God’s logic at all.  In fact I see the flood as a huge temper tantrum, things weren’t going as God planned, which He knew would happen, so He killed all the people.  He tells us to love one another no matter how bad the other person might be to us, didn’t Jesus tell us to, “love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also.”  I don’t get it.  God spread all the people to different places in the world; therefore, breaking up unity and now look where we are.  Why wasn’t it okay to be afraid?  Are we not allowed to be afraid, and if not, then why do we have that emotion? 

What would be so bad about just stopping?  Why do we feel this need to continue on in another life, or another place?  Are we even going to realize who we are in Heaven, do we love ourselves so much that we would hope to never die, as if things could not possibly continue if we were gone?  Of course I’m not taking into account Hell, but I’ve heard so many theories about Hell that even it seems unreal.  The most logical explanation about what happens when we die is that neurons stop firing and we are no more.  But of course most religions want to say our spirit does go on, either to Heaven or Hell, back to Earth in a different form, or many other things.  Is it to keep us from being afraid of death, afraid of not existing; or do we really experience something else when this life is over? 

 I find it so difficult to follow a religion that I have so many unanswered questions about.  We are to follow God, love God, and love our neighbors; but what happens when blindly following and just accepting what a preacher tells you doesn’t work anymore?  What happens when you start asking questions that no one can answer, not even the Bible provides the right verse?  We aren’t supposed to test God, so if we ask too many questions we have sinned, unless we are really seeking the truth, in this case you have to know your heart; but I’d rather just be able to ask questions without having to examine whether I’m seeking the truth or just critiquing, aren’t they similar anyways?  I’m a part of this religion, this one and no other, is it so wrong that I want to know that I’ve made the right choice?     

Procrastination

I know I am becoming an adult when I have to start making choices that I really don’t want to make, but they determine the direction of my life….so it has to be done.  Growing up with a father who was hardly present because of work has caused me to want to conduct my life in the opposite way.  I want to be available for my friends, my family, my community, strangers, etc. at anytime they might need me, but lately I have not been able to do that.  I could say work has kept me from being available, but is that just an excuse?  Are my priorities in the right order?  Last Sunday I had alarm clock malfunction and I work every Thursday till 9:30, this Sunday I had to do training because I could have lost my job, but this training could have been taken two months ago.  I am realizing that the more I get involved in adulthood the less I can conduct my life in a “I’ll do it later” fashion.  Of course God even tells us tomorrow is not promised, so why would I be so bold as to think “later” will come for me?  In order to be available I have to do things in a timely manner.  It is a simple as that.  I am staying ahead on my course work, I have given up my Saturday rotation with Ellie, and I have a planner; I think I’m on the right track…I just need prayer that I will continue to stay focused and on top of things as they come.     

Disappointment and Frustration

I found out tonight that my 11 year old niece has decided to move in with her father.  On the surface this is great…she’ll be able to develop a better relationship with him and get the father/daughter bonding she didn’t have before.  However, there are 3 older girls living in her father’s house, they belong to my niece’s stepmom.  These girls have already had several negative affects on Olivia, my niece.  She created a myspace account, which was supervised by my older cousin, and then when my sister looked at it, it had a sexual reference on it which my niece would not even understand (believe me, I know her well enough).  She has also been complaining about her body and dieting, which isn’t just coming from those girls, it comes from the media too, but they do not help.  To top it all off my niece came home from her weekend visit with her dad with a thong (no nice way of saying it), she tried to hide it from my sister, showing that she knew it wasn’t something she should have.  I am bothered by my niece’s decision mostly because I feel like we, my sister; me; and my parents, have raised her to be more respectful towards us and herself.  I am not going to be angry with her because I can understand wanting a relationship with her dad, but I can’t shake the feeling that, that isn’t the real reason she wants to go.  The entire situation frustrates me, and I’m praying that God allows me to understand what He is doing.   

Rutba House

Some of you know I have been reading The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne, absolutely amazing book!  Well for those of you who have not read this book and do not know what Mr. Claiborne is doing with his life, I will give you a little information.  Shane Claiborne is apart of a movement called The Simple Way; a place where people live in community and do things how God intended them to be done (in my opinion).  The Simple Way has sister communities throughout the US, and apparently there is one here in good ole’ NC called the Rutba House.  I did some research on this community located in Durham and found it to be amazing.  The people serve those in the community by feeding them, teaching them, playing with them, etc.  They live by a “contemporary school for conversion’ known as new monasticism.  Once I type out the marks of this new monasticism you will see why I am so excited about it.

1. Relocation to the abandoned places of empire.

2. Sharing economic resources with fellow community members and the needy among us.

3. Hospitality to the stranger.

4. Lament for racial divisions within the church and our communities, combined with the active pursuit of a just reconciliation.

5. Humble submission to Christ’s body, the church.

6. Intentional formation in the way of Christ and the rule of the community, along the lines of the old novitiate.

7. Nurturing common life among members of an intentional community.

8. Support for celibate singles alongside monogamous married couples and their children.

9. Geographical proximity to community members who share a common rule of life.

10. Care for the plot of God’s earth given to us, along with support of our local economies.

11. Peacemaking in the midst of violence, and conflict resolution within communities along the lines of Matthew 18:15-20.

12. Commitment to a disciplined contemplative life.

I don’t know why, but these 12 marks call out to me.  I guess it reminds me of the first church.  I wish I could have been there to see how they communed with each other.  However, I am so thankful to be apart of the world today.  I am apart of a community that worships together in each other’s houses and eats meals together.  We love on each other every chance we get.  I believe that if there ever came a huge need from a neighbor, our community would give to that neighbor automatically.  I’m so excited to see that God is surrounding me with an authentic community that is based around Him.  His Word expresses my heart completely.

Acts 2:42-47

42They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. 44All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. 46Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

Praise you Father!

Today in church we talked about being apart of the amazing story God has written.  We talked about the last chapter of the story, paradise.  I realized I’ve been living like this is it, you know what I mean?  I haven’t been focusing on the eternal kingdom I get to live in when Jesus comes back.  Of course I am going to be selfish, hateful, and greedy if my mindset is only on today’s Earth.  I know we are supposed to let tomorrow worry about itself, but I wait in anticipation for tomorrow, maybe that will be the day I get to return home.  There can be nothing better than worshipping my God all day, knowing Him as a physical presence, and being surrounded by those I care most about.  I haven’t been focusing on getting people to that kingdom, lately I’ve been extremely selfish and focusing mainly on myself and God.  I’m not implying you shouldn’t focus on your relationship with God, but it becomes a problem when you use it as an excuse not to talk about Him to others, I’d say your relationship with Him isn’t very healthy anyways if you aren’t constantly talking about Him.  I asked myself a lot of questions today, a few being: 1. where does God want me?  2. am I supposed to have a significant other in my life at all?  3. how can I better serve my God with the gifts He has blessed me with?  These are questions I ask myself daily, but I realized I haven’t really taken them to God, not fully anyways.  God knows the desires of my heart, and I trust that He will bless those desires, I just have no idea when.  I found today that if I focus on the eternal kingdom, my desires become different.  My desires become those of God’s and I really feel like that’s where I should be. 

Cheering Section!

Today was awesome!  I played basketball for the first time EVER, yes EVER.  To add to that, it was in a pool!  I am so thankful to have a church family that still encourages me even when I stink at a game.  It was definitely a good time.  Before I had never played basketball because I was afraid I would be ridiculed for lack of athletic ability, even though I still lack athletic ability, my family gave me praise and I didn’t leave feeling like a loser.  

I want to be like my church community….meaning I want to encourage and praise those who are stinking at the game of life.  They may make some bad decisions, or make a wrong move, but they do some smart things in there somewhere.  We have enough people standing on the sidelines telling us we aren’t doing it right, how about some cheering?  When I see someone do a great thing I want to cheer them on.  I feel like encouraging someone will help them a lot more than telling them to do this and that next time.  They leave feeling like they accomplished something, and in return they want to improve; practice some skills, read some Scripture, develop their character…all to bring glory to God.      

Busy

Hey World!  I’ve been really busy lately, not like busyness busy, but busy.  Work, life, family, and random occurences keep me on my toes pretty much everday, all day.  It might sound like I’m complaining, but I want to let you know…I’m certainly not.  I like being active and having things to do, keeps me sane.  I find that being active keeps me focused in the right ways and on the right things.  God has blessed me immensly with a job that keeps me going pretty much non stop for 30+ hours a week, which isn’t a lot I realize, but it is still wonderful!  I know I haven’t written a lot lately because when I get off work I’m so exhausted because Ellie is full of so much energy, that I can’t really think straight to write anything.  I just wanted to give a little update to those of you who read my blog; I am doing well.  I had a wonderful time at the Lifehouse and Goo Goo Dolls concert with Tara, perfect night in my opinion.  Things have just been rolling along. 

Church Conversion

Why do we have organizations that meet people’s needs?  I just listened to Rob Bell talk about Christians being priests, all Christians.  Ephesians 4:11 says, “So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up”.  All of us minister, we are all called to pastor the people in our lives; not just the men and women who happen to be paid for doing what God called all of us to do.  I don’t want to be someone who says, “I’ll just let them handle it.”  I want to be a person that takes on God’s call.  We were called to help the needy, the broken, the oppressed; when are we going to do it?  There are organizations that bring water to those without clean water, those that help AIDs victims, those that fight poverty, and many other agencies that fight against pain on Earth.  We have all these awesome places, but why?  Isn’t the Church supposed to doing these things?  We have all been given talents and gifts that are supposed to be used for the Kingdom, lets do it.  Rob Bell asked several convicting questions, like he does in many of his messages, a few of them were, “What if the church could be converted to Jesus?……………….  What would happen if there was this church that actually converted to causes larger than it’s own preservation?”  I want to do the work that I was meant to do; the work that several agencies have taken upon themselves because the Church didn’t step up.