I’ve been questioning my Christian religion a lot lately. A lot of what I’m about to type will probably sound like blasphemy, but it’s in my head so why not just put it down in writing? I don’t understand God’s logic at all. In fact I see the flood as a huge temper tantrum, things weren’t going as God planned, which He knew would happen, so He killed all the people. He tells us to love one another no matter how bad the other person might be to us, didn’t Jesus tell us to, “love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also.” I don’t get it. God spread all the people to different places in the world; therefore, breaking up unity and now look where we are. Why wasn’t it okay to be afraid? Are we not allowed to be afraid, and if not, then why do we have that emotion?
What would be so bad about just stopping? Why do we feel this need to continue on in another life, or another place? Are we even going to realize who we are in Heaven, do we love ourselves so much that we would hope to never die, as if things could not possibly continue if we were gone? Of course I’m not taking into account Hell, but I’ve heard so many theories about Hell that even it seems unreal. The most logical explanation about what happens when we die is that neurons stop firing and we are no more. But of course most religions want to say our spirit does go on, either to Heaven or Hell, back to Earth in a different form, or many other things. Is it to keep us from being afraid of death, afraid of not existing; or do we really experience something else when this life is over?
I find it so difficult to follow a religion that I have so many unanswered questions about. We are to follow God, love God, and love our neighbors; but what happens when blindly following and just accepting what a preacher tells you doesn’t work anymore? What happens when you start asking questions that no one can answer, not even the Bible provides the right verse? We aren’t supposed to test God, so if we ask too many questions we have sinned, unless we are really seeking the truth, in this case you have to know your heart; but I’d rather just be able to ask questions without having to examine whether I’m seeking the truth or just critiquing, aren’t they similar anyways? I’m a part of this religion, this one and no other, is it so wrong that I want to know that I’ve made the right choice?
