Noticing…

So, I’m starting to notice a trend throughout some of my friend’s lives.  They are finally seeing how much worth they have in God, and I’m so thankful.  It seems that some Christians have this view of themselves as horrible, disgusting people,but we’re not.  We are sooo amazing because God loves us.  I have a really hard time with the whole “I’m a lowely creature that doesn’t deserve to be loved” idea, maybe that’s because it took me from 8 years old till about now to figure out that I’m completely worth loving.  This is not a pride issue, it’s the truth.  God gave His son for me, God deems me worth His son’s life.  That just flips my mind upside down, sideways, and any other way it can go.  God makes us beautiful and worth so much more than we can imagine.  1 John 3:1-10 talks about how much love God has lavished on us because we are His children and how we are made pure because of our belief in Christ.  Trust in God’s love, do not belittle yourself because you fail to live up to the expectations of this world, you’re not supposed to live up to them!!  When you fail in your walk with the Lord, do not dwell on it, but ask God for help in getting back to where you need to be.  Think about this scripture “If God is for us, who can ever be against us?” (Romans 8: 31b).  God is for us, so even our own insecurities and doubts cannot get in the way of His plan for our lives; we can fight it and complain about how badly we messed up…but God has already won those battles.  His plan will come to completion, don’t you want to be a part of it?  When I finally realized how much I meant to God and that my entire worth came from Him, it made me want to love Him, know Him, and obey Him, it wasn’t the culmination of teachings I’ve had or the guilt that came from past sins; it was that the Creator of the universe who can be perfectly satisfied without me, wants me for eternity because He knows that I will get the most joy and satisfaction out of knowing Him.    

ON THE FLIP SIDE, be mindful of how you rejoice in the freedoms you have in Christ.  People are at different places in their walks, and some have not met Christ; so we have to be careful about how we live this life of freedom.  If something we are doing is going to cause a sister or brother to stumble, is it really worth it?  It may not be wrong on a spiritual level, but the Kingdom of God is more important.  I guess what I’m trying to say is we need to live like we are children of God and rejoice in that fact.  Share it with as many people as we can because it’s exciting and life changing, not because it’s something good Christians are supposed to do.

Interview! The Lord at work :-)

Just an update…I had my interview yesterday and I think it went really well.  I had even more peace about the possibility of moving to MO after talking with 4 of the staff members.  Now, I have to wait patiently on them to make a decision.  I also have to continue to keep this in prayer, I need to be completely sure this is where God is leading me because the next year is going to be intense and hard, but it will be so worth it if it’s where I’m supposed to be. 

I guess I can give you an idea of what the next year would be like.  I will be living with 2 or 3 adolescent ladies in basically a dorm room.  The recruiting supervisor told me the facility is set up like a camp, but nicer than most cabins.  Then we would all have breakfast together, the other students in my program and the adolescents in the Shelterwood program.  Then the teens go to school and we get into small groups.  After small groups we start our classes.  I’ll be doing 9 hours of class work and 3 hours of training, so I’m considered a full time student.  We eat all of our meals together and are in constant fellowship, basically we are in authentic community.  One of the staff members told me “one of the great things about LeadTime is that you have 6 people speaking into your life at all times, and one of the hard things about LeadTime is that you have 6 people speaking into your life at all times”.  So that’s a very basic view of what my next year will be like.  I do get 1 day off to do shopping, check email, or whatever I need to do personally.  They do camping trips, mission trips, and we take our “littles” out into the community.  Overall, it is a wonderful program and a true opportunity for me to grow in our Lord.

New Goal…and some prayer stuff

I’m starting a “I’m going to write in my ‘journal’ everyday” goal.  That doesn’t mean the content has to be super deep, I just have to type some things that have been on my mind.  As of right now, I’m going to watch Tyler Perry’s new movie The Family That Preys!  I’m excited.  I am also working a 16 hour shift tomorrow, so if anyone feels like praying for me that would be cool.  Not so much for me, but for Ellie because she’ll get tired of me and then I’ll get physically tired and it’s something that could happen….so prayer is great!  I’m also having my LeadTime interview on Wednesday at 3:30, prayers would be great for that too.  I’m working on trusting God, which isn’t an easy thing for me….because I’m really controlling and I have to learn that He can handle my life better than I can…because technically it is His life.  Anyway, pray that I’d be trusting in whatever the decision is.  I love everyone and I’m so glad I can keep in touch with you all this way.

My reality isn’t everyone else’s

So…I’m taking this behavior modification class and it’s probably my favorite class.  We talk about antecedents, target behaviors, and consequences.  Then if you want to get into Cognitive Behaviorism you talk about emotions, situations, cognitions, and then the behavior.  Anyway, it’s basically a class that teaches people how to condition themselves or others to stop an undesired behavior or start a desired behavior, great stuff!  My favorite part has been the Cognitive Behavior lecture because it showed me that my reality is not the only reality, simple concept I know, but stay with me.  When we react to something, we are actually reacting to our own cognitions (opinions).  For example, you’re in a store and someone runs into you with their shopping cart….you can have a number of emotions based on what you THINK took place in that situation.  You could be angry because your thought is “they did that on purpose!” or you could be confused because your thought is “what just happened?” or you could be merciful because your thought is “it was an accident”….in whatever circumstance your emotion is based on what you THINK took place.  Your behavior is then determined by your own understanding of the situation.  I like it.  You know if you think about it, there are 6 billion different realities, probably more but I’m not philosophical, because there are about 6 billion people on this planet.  Not everyone has the same rules of conduct, relationships, manners, etc.  We truly do see things differently because no one has had the exact same experiences.  I don’t know why this concept means so much to me, but it makes me more aware and also changes how personal I take things.  Not everyone is trying to ruin my life and the universe does not hate me.