I know I am becoming an adult when I have to start making choices that I really don’t want to make, but they determine the direction of my life….so it has to be done. Growing up with a father who was hardly present because of work has caused me to want to conduct my life in the opposite way. I want to be available for my friends, my family, my community, strangers, etc. at anytime they might need me, but lately I have not been able to do that. I could say work has kept me from being available, but is that just an excuse? Are my priorities in the right order? Last Sunday I had alarm clock malfunction and I work every Thursday till 9:30, this Sunday I had to do training because I could have lost my job, but this training could have been taken two months ago. I am realizing that the more I get involved in adulthood the less I can conduct my life in a “I’ll do it later” fashion. Of course God even tells us tomorrow is not promised, so why would I be so bold as to think “later” will come for me? In order to be available I have to do things in a timely manner. It is a simple as that. I am staying ahead on my course work, I have given up my Saturday rotation with Ellie, and I have a planner; I think I’m on the right track…I just need prayer that I will continue to stay focused and on top of things as they come.
Disappointment and Frustration
I found out tonight that my 11 year old niece has decided to move in with her father. On the surface this is great…she’ll be able to develop a better relationship with him and get the father/daughter bonding she didn’t have before. However, there are 3 older girls living in her father’s house, they belong to my niece’s stepmom. These girls have already had several negative affects on Olivia, my niece. She created a myspace account, which was supervised by my older cousin, and then when my sister looked at it, it had a sexual reference on it which my niece would not even understand (believe me, I know her well enough). She has also been complaining about her body and dieting, which isn’t just coming from those girls, it comes from the media too, but they do not help. To top it all off my niece came home from her weekend visit with her dad with a thong (no nice way of saying it), she tried to hide it from my sister, showing that she knew it wasn’t something she should have. I am bothered by my niece’s decision mostly because I feel like we, my sister; me; and my parents, have raised her to be more respectful towards us and herself. I am not going to be angry with her because I can understand wanting a relationship with her dad, but I can’t shake the feeling that, that isn’t the real reason she wants to go. The entire situation frustrates me, and I’m praying that God allows me to understand what He is doing.
Rutba House
Some of you know I have been reading The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne, absolutely amazing book! Well for those of you who have not read this book and do not know what Mr. Claiborne is doing with his life, I will give you a little information. Shane Claiborne is apart of a movement called The Simple Way; a place where people live in community and do things how God intended them to be done (in my opinion). The Simple Way has sister communities throughout the US, and apparently there is one here in good ole’ NC called the Rutba House. I did some research on this community located in Durham and found it to be amazing. The people serve those in the community by feeding them, teaching them, playing with them, etc. They live by a “contemporary school for conversion’ known as new monasticism. Once I type out the marks of this new monasticism you will see why I am so excited about it.
1. Relocation to the abandoned places of empire.
2. Sharing economic resources with fellow community members and the needy among us.
3. Hospitality to the stranger.
4. Lament for racial divisions within the church and our communities, combined with the active pursuit of a just reconciliation.
5. Humble submission to Christ’s body, the church.
6. Intentional formation in the way of Christ and the rule of the community, along the lines of the old novitiate.
7. Nurturing common life among members of an intentional community.
8. Support for celibate singles alongside monogamous married couples and their children.
9. Geographical proximity to community members who share a common rule of life.
10. Care for the plot of God’s earth given to us, along with support of our local economies.
11. Peacemaking in the midst of violence, and conflict resolution within communities along the lines of Matthew 18:15-20.
12. Commitment to a disciplined contemplative life.
I don’t know why, but these 12 marks call out to me. I guess it reminds me of the first church. I wish I could have been there to see how they communed with each other. However, I am so thankful to be apart of the world today. I am apart of a community that worships together in each other’s houses and eats meals together. We love on each other every chance we get. I believe that if there ever came a huge need from a neighbor, our community would give to that neighbor automatically. I’m so excited to see that God is surrounding me with an authentic community that is based around Him. His Word expresses my heart completely.
Acts 2:42-47
42They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. 44All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. 46Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.
Praise you Father!
Today in church we talked about being apart of the amazing story God has written. We talked about the last chapter of the story, paradise. I realized I’ve been living like this is it, you know what I mean? I haven’t been focusing on the eternal kingdom I get to live in when Jesus comes back. Of course I am going to be selfish, hateful, and greedy if my mindset is only on today’s Earth. I know we are supposed to let tomorrow worry about itself, but I wait in anticipation for tomorrow, maybe that will be the day I get to return home. There can be nothing better than worshipping my God all day, knowing Him as a physical presence, and being surrounded by those I care most about. I haven’t been focusing on getting people to that kingdom, lately I’ve been extremely selfish and focusing mainly on myself and God. I’m not implying you shouldn’t focus on your relationship with God, but it becomes a problem when you use it as an excuse not to talk about Him to others, I’d say your relationship with Him isn’t very healthy anyways if you aren’t constantly talking about Him. I asked myself a lot of questions today, a few being: 1. where does God want me? 2. am I supposed to have a significant other in my life at all? 3. how can I better serve my God with the gifts He has blessed me with? These are questions I ask myself daily, but I realized I haven’t really taken them to God, not fully anyways. God knows the desires of my heart, and I trust that He will bless those desires, I just have no idea when. I found today that if I focus on the eternal kingdom, my desires become different. My desires become those of God’s and I really feel like that’s where I should be.
