I love being in this moment. Right now. My heart feels light and my body is relaxed. I am sharing in the excitement of one of my best friends, and it feels great. Sometimes we do live vicariously through the ones we love, and sometimes that’s what needs to happen. We don’t need all the experiences to happen to us, even though much of the time we wish we could experience the wonderful things that happen in our friends’ lives. I personally have gone through enough in ”Boyland” to be free of it for a year or more, and I think I’m finally starting to realize that. I can celebrate in the great things that happen with my friends, instead of trying to make things happen for me. God is really, really trying to get me to work on me, and I keep ignoring Him….but as always God is persistant. I love that about Him! I am being pursued by THE MAN! It is time for me to be dedicated to this relationship, really put in the effort to love my God completely.
Moving
Well…I am getting ready to move into my new apartment, and I’m looking so forward to it. I love new places because I get to experience exciting things. I also get a place to start over, not necessarily a new state, but I get to make changes to fit my new home. However, moving causes a ton of stress that exhausts me to no end. It reminds me of when I encounter changes in my life. I love them, but they cause huge amounts of stress. I am so happy when things are finally settled and everything is in its place. The only thing is…it won’t stay that way. We constantly go through changes and moves, nothing is ever final. There is something wonderful about that, it means the bad doesn’t have to stay bad, but then it also means the good won’t always stay good. I’m okay with that though, ups and downs, hills and canyons…it all leads to the make up of me, good stuff.
Beautiful
I’ve been on a “I am woman, hear me roar” kick lately. I think it might be the fact that I’m taking a sex, gender, and behavior course this summer to get more credits for psychology. I had never viewed myself as a feminist before, but now that I know a bit more about the definition, I think I’m a match. I want equality for everyone, and I want to be seen as someone who can take care of myself…but still be able to have an intimate relationship with my future husband.
I’m on a search to know what it means to be a woman. Through this search I started reading Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul , great book by the way. I’m so thankful that God has the same yearning to be wanted, first of all it shows that women aren’t completely irrational and overly emotional…we just want to be wanted, second of all it is something I can identify with…I can identify with God. That’s huge! God aches to be in an intimate relationship with me, this is THE MAN of all men…and He wants ME! I am beautiful to Him. What else can a woman ask for? God thinks I am beautiful…the Creator of every gorgeous sunset, flower, color, animal, etc. thinks I am beautiful.
My mom sent me this poem by Maya Angelou…I thought it fit perfectly with my heart cry these days.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to… A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…
something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a youth she’s content to leave behind….A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to
retelling it in her old age….A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …..
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
one friend who always makes her laugh… and one who lets her cry…A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored…A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …
a feeling of control over her destiny…EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to fall in love without losing herself..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without;
ruining the friendship…EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
when to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK AWAY…EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that she can’t change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
that her childhood may not have been perfect…but it’s over…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW..
whom she can trust,
whom she can’t,
and why she shouldn’t take it personally…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
where to go…
be it to her best friend’s kitchen table…
or a charming inn in the woods…
when her soul needs soothing…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…
what she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month…and a year…
AMEN Maya Angelou!
